March 20, 1992

• The relationship triangle

The presence of God in your lives is enhanced by the brightness which emanates from your guides who are also assembled with you. What you have shared this evening centers primarily on the issue of relationships. You have all experienced significant challenges in your relationships with others in recent weeks, whether those challenges have been fully disclosed within your time of meeting or not.

Relationships form the center of what provides a sense of meaning in your daily lives. These relationships need not be restricted to others, but may also include one's relationship with oneself and one's relationship with God.

There is an interrelationship to all of these—others, self, and God. It is God who provides the means and the potential for developing meaningful relationships with others and a valid relationship with yourself, but it is also in reflecting upon your relationships with others and with yourself that you begin to understand something about your relationship with God. Your understanding of God reflects the relationship you have with others. The exercising of your relationship with others enhances your perception of God's relationship with you. This relationship between all three is a flow of energy which runs in each direction, not in one direction.

In some ways your relationship with yourself is the most difficult. It is not easy to separate your perception of who you are from who you are. This is difficult to understand, but we may say that who you are and what you are lie ultimately beyond your current perceptions. Throughout your lives you grow in your awareness of who you really are. Nevertheless that awareness is colored to some degree by your emotions, by what life deals you, by your relationships to others, and your awareness of your relationship to God.

With a clearer understanding of your relationship to others and your relationship to God, your view of who you really are becomes more accurate. The more you learn who you are, the easier it will be to perceive what you can do to become what you seek to become, and the easier it is to be assured of the validity of those goals.

In the end it is not God's relationship to you that is being altered or strengthened or in some way manipulated. It is your relationship with God which goes through a change. Likewise it is not what happens in your relationship of others toward you— rather the evolution of your relationship toward others. This triangle is constant. It never changes. It is always present. The challenges from each of the three corners may change, but the necessity for balance to maintain the whole is constant.

When you have difficulties in your relationships with others, your relationship with yourself is impacted. When you have difficulty in a relationship with another, your feeling of self-worth is affected. When another encounters challenges which reflect upon you, it is natural to assume that you are in some way responsible. The difficulties observed may be with friends, family, colleagues, but there is still the tendency to take on the mantle of responsibility for the difficulties which are present.

There is nothing wrong with a sense of responsibility, but what needs to be clarified is the distinction between responsibility and blame. When another goes through a traumatic experience, you are not to blame for that experience necessarily, but you do have a responsibility. Put in another way, you have the ability to respond. You can choose to be supportive, to be understanding. You can choose to provide an environment which may alleviate some of the difficulties that you observe. But you do not have it within your power to effect changes in another. Only the other individual has the power to effect change within himself or herself.

Your responsibility is therefore a potential. It is not a blame. It is not a consequence of lost opportunities or incorrect actions. True, you may do something inadvertently which triggers an unfortunate action or thought or attitude, and you may recognize that upon reflection. But the difficulty that another experiences is as much the result of the other person's perspective, the other person's mindset or orientation, as it is the result of your doing or being or saying something.

You have the ability to respond to another. You also have the ability to respond to yourself. If upon reflection you sense that you were in some way the cause of agony experienced by another, you then have the ability, the potential to correct yourself. You do not have the ability or potential to change the response of someone else. You can change your actions, you can change your thoughts, you can change your response, but you cannot change the thought, action, or response of someone else. You can provide an atmosphere conducive to another person, allowing that person to change if he or she chooses to change. You could also provide an environment which does not promote someone else's changing. That is your choice.

In relationships of all kinds it is essential to understand what part of the difficulty is yours and what part is the other person's. Change what you can change, namely yourself. Don't fret about your inability to change someone else. If you provide an environment for change, you have done what you can do. If you feel you must not only change yourself but ensure that another also changes, you will be constantly faced with frustration or anger. Change what you can change and do not worry about what you cannot change.

The power of prayer in a relationship becomes vital for change for both sides of the equation, for it is prayer that secures a constructive environment. Ultimately choice is exercised. You choose to change what you do. Another on the opposite side of the equation chooses to change or not to change. God’s presence in all relationships serves a function equivalent to prayer for you. God doesn't pray for your change, for God is the environment which is necessary for change and growth. Your prayers on behalf of another in any relationship result in a greater sensitivity to God's presence in that relationship. That sensitivity is increased on both sides of the relationship in question.

As you seek to enable relationships to stabilize and grow, you are exerting a part of God's presence into the equation. Without your prayers God's presence is still there, but your prayers increase sensitivity to God's presence. The issue of relationships to God, your relationship with yourself or self-concept, your relationship with others is constantly emerging. It is continually changing. That is a part of what happens in human life. You are thrust into situations involving relationships.

On our side the question of perception in relationships is not so pressing. We see the light of another soul and then we know immediately what the strengths of that soul are, what needs are present, and we are empowered to respond appropriately. There is no guessing game, no hoping that we get it right this time, for we know what is needed.

We know what is needed in your lives far more clearly than you yourselves know. By being open to your guides you are allowing yourself the privilege of being more sensitive to what is really happening in relationships.

God wants relationships to be positive, for who could ever wish that they be destructive? God's presence in a relationship is never ceasing, but it is up to you to tap into that presence, to have faith in its existence, and be willing to respond with the strength of faith and not fear. We are here to guide. We are here to focus God's light. We are here to help you as you live your lives within a sea of relationships. Your relationship to God is eternal, it is constant, it is always present, and it is pure. Your relationship to yourself often wavers between strength and weakness. Your relationship with another is at times strong and at times weak, at times supportive and at times destructive, but it is God who provides the meaning for your relationship with yourself and with another.

By working with your relationships with others and with yourselves, your understanding of the presence of God within the triangle is deepened and your commitment to accepting that presence is thereby strengthened. It is a wonderful relationship, all three. This triangle is part of what makes the human experience of the soul's development so important. Your soul could develop without human life. In that case there would only be the relationship with God. You would thereby miss the opportunity presented by the other two corners of this whole, this entity. Rejoice that you have those three relationships working together to strengthen one another and to provide strength and love and understanding within human life.

You are blessed by God and you are constantly accompanied by your guides. We rejoice when you are aware of our presence, and we are warmed by your acceptance of God's light within your lives.

Amen.