Strength for vulnerability.

January 29, 2018

You are joined by God to one another. This joining together is not just as a group but in the wider group, those whom you know and pray for and those whom you do not know and pray for. 

Human life is a life of give and take. Human life is an exercise in unfolding fulfillment. Each of you in your own ways seeks to find ways that are fulfilling to you and by extension, fulfilling to others. We say fulfilling to you first because it is through the wellspring of your own spiritual awareness that you are able to draw upon God’s presence in your service to others, for true service comes from a clear vision through your heart of God in your lives. First, there is God, and then there is a recognition of the presence of love, and from a recognition of that presence comes an understanding of what it means to be loving. 

You spoke tonight with shared voices about concerns you have surrounding the other half of listening, that being the needs of the listener. For that to be fully understood, you must consider the listener as being somewhat separated from another who’s sharing particular needs. We constantly urge you to feel your connection to all human beings, but connection means a connection of understanding, a connection of listening, a connection of loving. 

If you think for a moment of the analogy of someone drowning and another goes out, attempting to save that individual experiencing such terror, if both become equally fearful and terrorized, then both drown. You are asked to be listeners, to understand what is being meant and not just what is being said, because that is essential to being God’s hand. Likewise, you are being asked to be present to help that person who feels as if she were drowning, but in helping, you must have some distance from the victim. As that person struggles to be saved, the rescuer can be easily hurt, and then both are in danger. Keeping a distance, however, does not mean being disengaged, for the rescuer must still have a direct connection to the person in need, or no rescue, no healing can take place. 

When you encounter someone whose comments are coming forward because you are listening, and those comments create significant stress for you, it is easy to be caught up in a widening sense of urgency, a widening sense of injustice. The person who is expressing his or her thoughts may be sharing those feelings of injustice, and in receiving what is said, you may feel there is great injustice being served against you. When you feel that sense of injustice toward your point of view or toward your own particular beliefs, that is of course not a time to also thrash out in self-defense, for then there are two people who are thrashing through overwhelming seas of perceived injustice or misunderstanding.

Once the person who was at risk in those waters has been brought to safety, there comes a time when it is appropriate to discuss the reasons, the basis, upon which the danger was grounded. When you experience the expressions of others that may seem hurtful to you, it is not our intention to suggest that it is inappropriate for you to respond in a way that reflects your perspective, but rather it is important to find an opportunity that is appropriate, for just as others have the need to express what is in their hearts, you, too, have the same need. It is for you to listen, of course, nonjudgmentally, but it is also for you to share your own feelings at a time that may be removed from what is immediate, and it is that stepping back and waiting for an appropriate opportunity that we refer to as a response of space, of distance. 

Distance does not mean uncaring any more than rescuers going out into the waters to be of assistance to someone in need maintain distance because they don’t care. If they weren’t there, then disaster could happen. If they didn’t care, they wouldn’t have made the effort. If you don’t care, you wouldn’t make the effort to listen. You listen because it is something that is important. It is important to the other, and because of that, it is important to you. Distance in the measuring of what is appropriate is always wise. 

There are times when you may feel it is appropriate to respond to what someone has finally expressed, and you may feel that you wish to use that time for your own expression. It can often be helpful to ask permission of the other if you could share your own thoughts, not your opinions, but your thoughts. Thoughts are merely expressions of what you feel deep down that are your own emotions. Opinions are always judgmental. Thoughts never have to be judgmental. 

When you feel it necessary to respond as God’s hand, it is important to respond when another is ready to hear nonjudgmentally what you feel in your heart. What is important is the fact that you are expressing what you feel, not what someone else should feel, for expressing what you feel is an expression through love. It is also an expression through a willingness to be vulnerable, for when you express what you feel, you are opening your own core feelings to the reactions of others. For many, that can be a threat, a response to which is more often than not to be silent, because in not expressing one’s feelings, there is no risk in being criticized for them, and therefore there is no vulnerability being exercised. 

Serving as the hand of God is being willing to be vulnerable, for you are offering something of who you are with the recognition that that may or may not be acceptable to others. A life of faith, pure faith, does not require of all a life of pure silence. There are countless examples of people who have spoken out for what they believed, and what they believed was motivated by faith. That is always an openness to vulnerability. All human beings are vulnerable. That is part of what it means to live a human life, but many are reluctant to display that vulnerability because it will be felt by them to be a display of weakness. It takes enormous personal strength to display vulnerability. Think for a moment how difficult it is for many to say, “I am sorry” or “I am wrong.” That’s not a statement of weakness. It is a demonstration of great courage. 

It is difficult for all to express what is inside. It takes faith in order to allow that vulnerability to be seen. We often ask you to be willing to be vulnerable, to be willing to express to others what you are fearful of, what causes you pain or anxiety. There is no courage in promoting what is strong about you. That’s the easy road. There is no vulnerability that is demonstrated. It is important, however, to recognize that when people assert what is good about themselves, they feel they are asserting a strength, but behind that assertion is a sense that it was necessary to do so because otherwise one would feel weak. The very assertion comes out of vulnerability just as anger comes out of fear. Anger is an assertion, an assertion to overcome; the vulnerability is the fear. The vulnerability that we speak of is experienced by all, and it is that vulnerability that is recognized, if not labeled as such, that then is manifest in the fear and ultimately the anger or the assertion of great confidence. 

Human life is vulnerable. Even the very act of being alive is vulnerable. You are vulnerable to accidents, to illness, to assault by others—verbally or physically. You are vulnerable to your own insecurities. No human life is void of that feeling. No human life is void of that reality. When you accept your own vulnerability, you are then more willing to recognize that you are not unique, and that all share that same vulnerability. 

When you listen to others speak, and you want to understand what is behind the words, when you want to understand the intent, it is essential to acknowledge that the very root of what lies behind is the reality of being vulnerable. There are many who refuse to accept it. They all know it’s there, but they can attempt to live with its total denial. It is what so many fear in life, the final acceptance that they are vulnerable, that they are imperfect, that they are vain. 

Human relationships that are strong are built on trust, and the trust is not so much a belief in perfection but in the acceptance of imperfection. That is true trust. You trust in a friend because you know they are imperfect, and you are imperfect, and you accept your friend without judgment. That friend becomes an extension of what in essence you are, and when you see that common essence, the trust is strong. 

No human being is perfect. No one who is trusted by another is perfect. Building trust in another based on a belief in perfection is empty trust. Trust those who show their vulnerability, because they show what is common with all people. The trust we speak of is not a trust that implies whatever is done by another is always what is right. The trust we speak of is a positioning of another to be fully equal to you and to all others. Trust is a two-way relationship. You confer trust on another, because you recognize something in the other that you see in yourself. That is a trust that builds strength in relationships. It is not a trust that is subject to being dashed into pieces from the slightest cause. 

There is no reason to mistrust others. You may find you disagree with their points of view. You may find you disagree with their actions but see the other in yourself. See yourself in the other. Recognize what is common. Recognize the vulnerability that you both share. Recognize the expressions of others of their own vulnerability and acknowledge your own right to share your vulnerability with another. 

The distance that is necessary is not a distance of uncaring. It is a distance that is defined essentially by your caring, and it enables you to find an appropriate opportunity of sharing what you believe most deeply, risking being vulnerable to the responses of others. 

When you feel misunderstood, when you feel yourself wrongly characterized, when you feel your position on an issue of importance to you is misunderstood, that is fine, and you have that obligation to show the courage of expressing who you really are, of expressing what lies at your core, of being vulnerable. That act of being vulnerable is an act of trust. 

When you feel criticized by others, it is easy to wish to strike back, but it is most important to wait for a moment and listen to what is really being said by another. When you listen with your heart and not your brain, you may find your response is totally altered. That is the distance, that is the space, that is the separation that we speak of. You create that space through love. You create that space because you do care. Never is that space a representation of not caring. It is because of the love and care that you feel. 

The relationships with one another are dynamic. They ebb and flow. They change for many reasons. Strong relationships will remain even when there is stress, even when there is heartache and misunderstanding. It is a journey you are on, and it is how you encounter that journey and the intentional approach you give to those challenges that strengthens the spirit, the eternal light that dwells within each of you. 

You are indeed blessed by the challenges you face. You are blessed in your vulnerabilities. You are blessed in the vulnerabilities of others. You are blessed in your listening, and you are blessed in your response. 

Trust is a blessing, and it is to be nurtured and crafted with love, with understanding, and with peace. 

Amen.